I’m back, y’all! Writing again! And let me tell you, it feels like coming home to myself. There’s something magical that bubbles up when I sit down to weave my thoughts into words – like makeup for paper. Just as a brush can transform bare skin into a radiant masterpiece, words have the ability to transform a blank page into something meaningful, layered with depth and personality. Writing has always been my happy place.
The last time I wrote a blog post was 11 years ago, on my old site, Nayah Kathurima. That final piece is etched in my memory – it was about a profound gratitude for something we often take for granted: the ability to breathe. At the time, I had just given birth to my son and found myself fighting for my life. My lungs were drowning under the weight of fluids my body couldn’t manage, and my pleas of “I can’t breathe” went unnoticed by the nurses.
It took my sister—my fierce advocate—raising her voice to demand attention that ultimately saved my life. Without her, I might not be here to tell this story.
Now, 11 years later, the phrase “I can’t breathe” hits in an entirely different way. It reverberates with the pain of George Floyd’s final moments and the crushing weight of systemic racism. It is a stark reminder of a collective struggle that’s impossible to ignore. Life has changed so much since then, and so have I.
Iin 2025, I’m stepping back into this space – older, grayer (shoutout to the unexpected wisdom streaks in unexpected places), and bolder; reclaiming my voice, my joy, and my power. This time, under my name: Nayah Ndefru.
This post is dedicated to my dear friend Delphine, who has been my ride-or-die since we were nine. Delphine read a story I wrote about unicorns and has never stopped nudging me to write. Sis, you believed in my words even when I forgot their power. This one’s for you, because your nudges finally brought me back.
Divorce is a Remix, Not a Failure
Now, let’s get one thing straight—divorce is not a failure. It’s a remix. It’s taking the same track and flipping the beat to make something new (see how how I put my DJ skills into this piece). Sure, the process feels like being stuck in a never-ending Naija movie, Part 1 Uche Goes to Lagos, Part 2 Uche Finds Love, Part 3 Will Uche Marry, Part 4 Will Uche … Part 72 Uche goes to the village —messy, emotional, and entirely too much drama. But in the end? It’s a chance to redefine what happiness, love, and success look like for you. This is a story you get to rewrite on your terms.
I know, because I’ve been there. And let me tell you, some days felt like I couldn’t breathe, like the weight of it all was sitting on my chest. But you know what I learned? Those moments weren’t breaking me—they were reshaping me. Divorce taught me how to let go of what no longer served me, even when it hurt. Divorce is the ultimate spiritual reset—a chance to breathe, to let go, and to rediscover who you are outside the roles you’ve played.
Step Into Your Power: The Glow-Up Is Real
Sis, the glow-up is waiting for you. And no, I’m not just talking about hitting the gym or trying that new skincare routine (though self-care is always a win). I’m talking about the inner glow-up—the peace that comes when you let go of shame and embrace your worth.
When I was in the thick of my uncoupling, I had to make peace with the fact that my life wasn’t turning out like the Pinterest vision board I’d created in my 20s. But here’s the thing: the life I have now? It’s real, raw, and beautiful in ways I never imagined.
Rewrite the Narrative: It’s Your Story to Tell
One of my favorite spiritual lessons from Deepak Chopra is about embracing uncertainty as the birthplace of creativity. Divorce is the ultimate uncertainty, isn’t it? But it’s also an opportunity to rewrite the narrative.
You get to decide what this chapter looks like. Will it be about survival or transformation? Will you hold onto bitterness or step into a place of wisdom and joy?
Thriving Beyond Divorce
The kids are older now, and let’s be real—parenting teens while figuring out life post-divorce is a whole other blog post. But it’s also a reminder of how far I’ve come. I’m not just surviving; I’m thriving.
I’m writing again, speaking and podcasting. You can listen to my podcasts, Break the Code and Unpacking and you can even book consultations with me—whether you’re navigating divorce, uncoupling,need guidance on business pivots, or just trying to step into your best self, I’m here to help you thrive.
So, to anyone out there feeling like they can’t breathe under the weight of change, I see you. Take a deep breath. Trust the process. And know this—you’re not just writing a new chapter; you’re creating a whole new book. Divorce is a journey, not a destination. And if you’re reading this, know that you’ve got what it takes to turn this chapter into a masterpiece. Go ahead and thrive, sis.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to dance in my kitchen because life is too short not to celebrate every little win.
Until next time, with love and light,
Nayah
